Once Upon a Time in Beijing...6: "The Young and the Wrathless"

Once upon a time in 2009 the Year of the Earth Ox , in the very auspicious month of August, three adventurous and unsuspecting friends named Niao-Miao, ChehCheh and her beloved Lhooh (by this time if you don't know who they are already, then you obviously haven't been reading 1 to 5 of this series!) - went to Beijing to sight-see and exercise.

One such "exercise" was a stroll to the Temple of Heaven. It's literal name is actually Altar of Heaven and it is a complex of Taoist buildings in the Xuanwu District. It was usually visited by the Emperors of different dynasties for their annual offering of prayers for good harvest.

One thing to note before proceeding is that Lhooh looks like a jolly ever-smiling Japanese, ChehCheh a petite and tanned-looking Filipina and Niao-Miao, with the exception of her ever-present hat, which was a dead giveaway to her being a tourist, looks Chinese enough to pass for a local. In other words, the three do not look related to each other.

As the usual wont after all that walking and climbing, the three energetic ones went to a stall to look through their wares and buy something to drink. They encountered an American woman who was for some time already having  difficulty in confirming from the seller if the green tea drink they had for sale had sugar or not (she had not gotten to the point though of trying out ChehCheh's way of pantomime).

Being the kind and good man that he was, Lhooh offered to interpret her request and the American was quite grateful for getting what she wanted at long last.  Lhooh and ChehCheh were quite chatty and friendly with the woman and talked of different topics.

After some point, the American guilelessly asked both, "Is she your daughter?" indicating the quietly smiling Niao-Miao at her side.

The three froze and sweat-dropped. Separate thought bubbles formed above each their respective heads.

Lhooh (deflated):
"After all the translating I did for her, this is how she repays me? By implying I am old enough to be a father of a woman in her late thirties?!!"

ChehCheh (slack-jawed):
"WHHUUTT?  Excuse me...I am younger than her! Okay, I admit... maybe a few months diff...but I am still YOUNGER!!"

Niao-Miao (pondering): 
"Hmm...maybe I should ask my brand-new parents for a monthly allowance?"

The American continued blithely and figuratively placed the final nail in her coffin by remarking further aloud, "Well, with Asians one never knows....and she looks so young..."

ChehCheh (with demonic red eyes and steam coming out of her ears):
"And I look old? I am SO going to scratch your eyes out you....you heartless !@#%$@*$^ woman!"

Lhooh (with protruding arrows in the heart and stomach and gritting his teeth painfully): 
"Just because I gained a few ounces...fine... more like pounds! ...It doesn't mean I look like an old, fatherly guy! Grrrrr! &*^$!*%@# woman!"

Niao-Miao (concerned look):
"Oh dear, my brand new father and mother seem to be turning purple...hope they didn't catch a virus or something else here in China..."

American woman (puzzled look): 
"Strange folk! Maybe they have multiple personalities - one moment so jolly, the next second, they are like limp noodles...but are there noodles which are purple-colored? I've never actually seen one, but this IS China, so I shouldn't be surprised..."

As Niao-Miao suddenly said into the gathering silence that they were really just good friends traveling together in Beijing, she warily checked her friends' stony expressions to see if they had already cracked into itty-bitty pieces.

The American woman finally said goodbye after a few more comments on her trip, saying that she had to rejoin her party, and with a cheery wave and "Nice meeting you!" she drifted off.

Niao-Miao turned to her friends but before she could say something, Lhooh began in a fatherly way - "Okay dear daughter of mine," and continued huffily - "no dinner for you tonight!" He then indignantly marched off into the sunset.

One millisecond after, ChehCheh smiled at her and said in suspiciously dulcet tones, "And as for you my young daughter," and at this point Niao-Miao's eyes widened "...no more midnight snacks...forever!" and with her hackles still flying high into the sky, ChehCheh quickly followed after the father...ehrm...I mean Lhooh.

Niao-Miao wailed on cue and like pouring salt into a wound, called after them in the loudest voice imaginable (with matching pathetic sobs), "Waaah!! Honourable father and mother!.... What did I do?!"

Her brand-new parents wrathfully chorused from a distance, "You are grounded...for 100 years!"

DISCLAIMER: While the tale has some factual basis, the thought bubbles and other actions after the shocking statement were all made by up the author because she was not old enough to know what really went on her parents' minds at that time.

Sad to have missed an eyeball with a panda while in Beijing, but just now I saw red pandas on "Japan Hour" - they looked unusual but cute...

I hope to visit and tour the northern part (Luzon) of my country, so as a first step, I've bought a Lonely Planet book on the Philippines...*cross fingers*

Sometimes, I feel I am just plain weird...I *heart* pasta, BUT I do not like pancit (chinese noodle dish); I like cats BUT I never had it as a pet; I coo over those little spiders (the one they place in matchboxes) BUT I run like a scalded cat if I see a slightly larger spider anywhere within a 50-km radius and this is just to name a few...

Once Upon a Time in Beijing...5: "Watch those Shoes!"

* for this tale to work, you must keep in mind that if the Chinese language has different ways of pronouncing even one syllable, English has its own pitfalls too when its spoken *


Once upon a time in 2009 the Year of the Earth Ox , in the auspicious month of August, three adventurous and unsuspecting friends named Niao-Miao, ChehCheh and Lhooh (they are obviously that obvious even with such names!)  went to Beijing to not only see famous sights of the fabled city but to amble around and do some shopping, be it window-shopping or otherwise.

Remember that most products nowadays  are manufactured in China, so what could be more warming to the cockles of a shopaholic's  heart (albeit only a window-shopaholic one like Niao-Miao) than strolling through Wangfujing in the middle of said country?

This area is a veritable shopper's paradise, with its line of department stores and malls, and since the street is off-limits to cars and other vehicles, the whole street is open game to strollers and shoppers alike.

Late at night, Niao-Miao was gazing very happily at all the displays when she excitedly chattered to Lhooh that she had this brilliant and wonderful idea for buying Crocs!  On the very valid reasoning that what what she had were all "Made in China" anyway, wasn't it an absolutely capital idea procuring one or two more Crocs during this trip?

Lhooh gave thoughtful consideration and then helpfully launched into a practical and erudite discussion of the pros and cons of buying a branded item like that on their trip.  ChehCheh and Niao-Miao were listening intently (as its always good to know the ins and outs of such an adventurous shopping expedition in a country where probably 95% of all goods found worldwide came from).

Many, many (ehem!) minutes later, Lhooh gave a nod of satisfaction and finished up his explanation - knowing that the two girls were more or less now aware of the + and - of such an undertaking.

With a concluding sentence of "......And don't forget, you must also think carefully of the difficulty of taking such an item out of China and transporting it back to your home country!" Lhooh finished with a dramatic flourish.

Niao-Miao was struck by a thought with his last sentence and asked,  "But Lhooh,  why is transportation difficult?  When I can wear them on my feet?"

Lhooh stopped walking with a very disconcerted look on his face  and blurted out, "Eh? Wear on... your....feet? "

Hmm....the mystery deepens! The plot thickens! The suspense quickens! The.....


"If I were to WEAR them on my FEET, " said the slightly perplexed Niao-Miao, " then there wouldn't be any problem of bringing the Crocs out of China, right?"

She then raised her right leg outward, twirling around her foot on her cute ankle (she is the heroine of this story, so never mind her description of her ankle!) , showing off one half of her dirty, dark cyan pair of Crocs which had traversed through innumerable hutongs, dusty, spit-upon, muddy roads in Beijing, not to mention being trod upon sometimes in crowded trains.

"Huh?......CROCS?!" gasped Lhooh who looked torn between hilarity, dismay and exhaustion.

"Uh-huh, that's what I said - Crocs," trailed off  the bewildered Niao-Miao.

Both girls could only look at Lhoo worriedly and Niao-Miao thought imaginatively that her friend was turning red and white and blue every other second.

" CROCS!....HAHAHA! .......I thought you wanted to buy CLOCKS! " gurgled the finally-laughing Lhooh.

The two girls started in incredulity at each other for a second, then both burst out giggling in the middle of the shopping district, probably raising eyebrows and more "Hmmpph! ....Tourists!!" thoughts from the other passersby.

And the moral lesson of this little tale?
Do not ever buy and wear clocks on your feet, even when they are cheap and made in China!

DISCLAIMER: The tales being shared by the writer in this series have been written with no other purpose than share the fun and amuse any gentle reader who happens to pass by. There is no intention to disparage nor imply anything else except the fact that sharing a trip with good friends can still give one the hiccups from laughing so hard when faced with the unexpected.

The Philippine International Cartoon, Comics and Animation Website

http://www.piccafest.com/
The first!

Pinoy cartoonists, comics gurus and animators, unite!

For all those who enjoy cartoons and comics, its a chance to enjoy these, Pinoy-style.

Mini-concert: 60s/70s Music for Cartoon, Comics and Animation Festival!

Start:	Oct 1, '09 8:00p
Location:	Philippines

OCTOBER 1, 2009 - repeat performance!


B-school classmate and good friend Mr. Hugo "Boboy" Yonzon has embarked in a very worthy endeavor. He is eyeball deep into mounting the very first ever Philippine International Cartoon, Comics, and Animation Festival (PICCA).

On August 28, 2009 (Friday) at 7PM, they shall have as a fund-raising activity - a very mini-concert for the benefit of PICCA. Link to his post is: http://hugzone.multiply.com/journal/item/55/A_Little_Fund_Raising_with_60s-70s_Music

Listen and enjoy the music of the 60s and the 70s with the Wildfires. Breaks to be provided by Bossa Baron Joel (and I heard Joel, he has an ooh-lah-lah voice!)

Venue is at Ten-02 Pub of Myra Rualo, the ska queen, at the corner of Scout Ybardolaza and Timog (across the Shell station). Tickets are PHP 500 each. This entitles the donor to enjoy marvelous music (nostalgia for the groovy folks), a cold bottle of beer and a platito of mani (peanuts), chicharon (crispy pork skin), or tsampoy (anong translation ba nito?).

Tickets will be available at the gate, so just bring your cash and they will take care of the rest!

Calling all "otakus" but this time for Philippine comics and animation industry - hope you can come and help in raising funds by participating and get to enjoy listening to good music on a Friday night!

Please help spread the word and pass!

Once Upon a Time in Beijing...4: "The Sounds of Food"

Once upon a time in the month of August 2009 the Year of the Earth Ox , two adventurous friends named ChehCheh and Niao-Miao (whose names will be changed to protect them from being mobbed *cough, cough*)  arrived in Beijing one day ahead of Lhooh, who was the only one of the trio who could speak Chinese.

After finding a hostel and depositing their gear, both girls explored their surroundings on foot, managing to discover Liulichang Jie, with its restored buildings and many stores. Further on, they at last managed to see Tian'an Men Square, but Niao-Miao protested that she had to have something to eat first before tackling the imposing square.

So, they trudged past the big KFC and stores and tea-houses and came to a bustling restaurant which had an informal and homey setting and which didn't seem to have any Western tourists at all.

Being "adventurous", the two friends sat down and were approached by a waitress who quickly handed them menus with the Chinese characters and waited expectantly for their order. Niao-Miao dared to ask in English, "May we have menu with pictures or in English please?" and made a square in the air with her fingers (like a picture) and the waitress went away.

Upon her return, the waitress deposited two menus with pictures but both friends couldn't really decide as they still didn't know what were the ingredients of the viands.

Coming up with a fool-proof idea of demonstrating what they were looking for -  ChehCheh suddenly folded her arms, tucked her hands inside said arms, then made a flapping motion with her limbs and gave off a loud "Quack! Quack!"

However, the waitress just stoically stared at her.

ChehCheh then switched tactics, ehrm...I mean, animals and snorted out an "Oink! Oink!", maybe thinking a pig was easier to copy and understand?  Alas! still no response.

ChehCheh repeated the actions with brave determination and dogged insistence once more. (Niao-Miao personally thought that if her friend said "Oink-Oink!" and flapped her arms, maybe then it would have made some convoluted sense that they wanted duck and pork).

The response was unexpected.

The waitress left them, never to return again, having been mentally scarred for life by the incident.

...
...
...
...


Kidding!

The long-suffering waitress did return after a while and helped the two friends decide on their dishes by pointing out to more pictures on the walls (though it was probably a longer process than she was normally used to).

But Niao-Miao saw her shaking her head resignedly as she went away after taking their orders, probably wondering what in the world the two girls were actually trying to do.

Do ducks and pigs have a different sound representing them in other languages?

* toink-toink -> wonder what animal this is? *



DISCLAIMER: the tales being shared by the writer in this series of blogs, while they did happen, have been exaggerated or colorfully added details for humorous purposes. It is not meant to imply anything derogatory about the Chinese culture or people.

Once Upon a Time in Beijing...3: "Counting Three"

Once upon a time in the month of August, in 2009 the Year of the Earth Ox , three adventurous and unsuspecting friends named Lhooh, ChehCheh and Niao-Miao (they are obviously trying to be incognito)  went to Beijing to see the great and famous sights of the fabled city.

The three friends gamely looked for another hostel to hop to as the rooms they had taken were reserved for other guests by the third day of their stay.

They decided to drop by << insert name of hostel here such as "Hostel of the Weary Eight-headed Dragon" or something similar >>.


The three optimists stand in front of the hostel lobby's front desk.

ChehCheh (speaking English slowly in hopes of being understood):
Excuse me, do you have a vacant triple room available?

Receptionist at Hostel (looks at her curiously, maybe we need our friend Lhooh to translate?):
..........

Lhooh (in fluent and flawless Chinese with all its varying accented tones):
Would you have an available room with 3 beds? ..... a triple?

Receptionist at Hostel (checks her chart and records and mutters):
hmmm.....so, how many people will be staying?

Niao-Miao (holds up three fingers under the cover of her bag like an "Ok" sign):
........


* eh? how exactly does one count people? by their weight? hairs in the nose? *

* the Toink plot bunny hops about*


DISCLAIMER: The tales being shared by the writer in this series of blogs, while true, have been admittedly tweaked mercilessly due to the writer's twisted sense of humor. It is not meant to imply anything derogatory about the Chinese culture or people.

Once Upon a Time in Beijing...1: "BUSted!"

Once upon a time, three adventurous and unsuspecting friends named Lhooh, and ChehCheh and Niao-Miao (the names have been changed to protect their identities) went to Beijing to see the great and famous sights of the fabled city.

On the trip,  they encountered many truly wondrous things - and things to ponder about!

Such as.... figuring out the apparently complicated transportation process of the famed city.

A case in point ---> Lhooh asks passing citizen about what bus to get on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lhooh:  Excuse me sir,  but could you tell me which bus goes to Tiananmen?

Passerby: Which way do you want to go? East or West?

Lhooh:  Hmmm...I guess...Tiananmen East.

Passerby (pointing to a bus parked on the street): Then you take this bus.

Lhooh: Thank you very much, Sir!  Hmmm....and what bus should I take if I want to go to Tiananmen West instead?

Passerby (walking away): Oh, you take same bus.


* teeth-baring smile of thanks! ....and the point of asking which way to go was.....? *

* toink-toink! *


DISCLAIMER: The tales shared by the writer on this series of blogs about her trip to Beijing have been either exaggerated, simplified, mangled or mixed up for humorous purposes. While some undoubtedly happened (you can guess which ones did), the tale is not meant to imply anything derogatory about the Chinese culture or people.

Once Upon a Time in Beijing...2: "Good Medicine"

Once upon a time, three adventurous and unsuspecting friends named Lhooh, ChehCheh and Niao-Miao (the names are changed to protect their secret identities!)  went to Beijing to see the great and famous sights of the fabled city.

On the second day, Niao-Miao had unfortunately not been able to get rid of her toothache which had plagued her, so ChehCheh asked Lhooh to go to the pharmacy to help the ailing Niao-Miao, since he was the one only one in the trio who could understand the subtle nuances of the city's ancient language.

Lhooh ambled off confidently and went to ask the pharmacist for medicine for the tooth.

The conversation somehow went this way (no thanks to my imagination after it was retold by the leading character).


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pharmacist (nods sagely and brings out a box of medicine):
Where is the pain located, Foreigner-Who-Looks-Chinese?...is it in the tooth itself or is it the gum surrounding the tooth?

Lhooh a.k.a. Foreigner-Who-Looks-Chinese:
uhmm.....I am unsure... O Great-Pharmacist-of-this-Pharmacy.

Pharmacist a.k.a. Great-Pharmacist-of-this-Pharmacy (looking bored):
......

Lhooh a.k.a. FWLC (deciding quickly):
It may be the tooth itself, O Great-Pharmacist-of-this-Pharmacy.

Pharmacist a.k.a. GPOTP:
Well then, Foreigner-Who-Can-Understand-Chinese, take this.. (hands over the box of tooth medicine she had taken out earlier)....it is for the pain in the tooth you have said.

Lhooh a.k.a. FWLC (curious):
Great-Pharmacist...of...the...uhm....well....GPOTP..

GPOTP (looking more bored):
......hmm?

Lhooh a.k.a. FWLC (clears throat): .
If this is for pain in the tooth ...may I also have the one which is for the pain in the gums? just in case?

Pharmacist a.k.a. you-know-the-drill by now:
Oh, it works on both the tooth and gum.



* Eh? then why did you ask in the first place? *

* double-toink! *

DISCLAIMER: the tales being shared by the writer in this series of blogs, while true, have been admittedly exaggerated for humorous purposes. It is not meant to imply anything derogatory about the Chinese culture or people.

From Beijing to Manila: The happiest birthday greetings to MARIE and MANANG KAIYEN and PD!!

Finally! Mozilla Firefox seems to work normally on my other laptop...here's what I did...

listening to Ella Fitzgerald on a Friday night...

Bigelow Teapots Make Great Gifts For Business Clients Family Friends

http://www.bigelowtea.com/teapots.htm
I have a weird liking for teapots...though I've stopped collecting them and am now into just being happy by looking at their pictures, I sometimes wish I had the money and space to indulge in this kind of obsession...:-)

Chai Fruitty-Smoothie

Description:
been wondering what to do with the extra chai teabags I had...and though I don't have all the fruits listed..this is one healthy way to go about it...green tea and fruits!

Ingredients:
1 medium peach, diced
1 medium apple, diced
1 cup frozen grapes (red seedless)
1 cup frozen blueberries
1 1/2 cups frozen strawberries
2 chai green tea bags


Directions:
Brew Chai Green tea in one cup of boiling water, steep for 3-5 minutes.

Remove tea bags and place all the fruit in the blender and pour in the hot tea. Blend until smooth. The tea gives a great spice taste to the fruit smoothie.

Buy Online Fruitcakes, Gourmet Cakes, Cookies, Pecan Pies - Collin Street Bakery

http://www.collinstreet.com/
Would you believe I happen to like fruitcakes and wish they were available even before Christmas?

Way back in the mid-90's I treated myself once a year to ordering deluxe fruitcakes from this site.

About 10 years later from my last order, I remembered this site again because of a friend coming over from NYC...hence, I was again tempted...and gave in inspite of the tight budget :-)

Life is short, right? might as well make it full...full stomach...hahaha!

China Chikka: Currency

Currency in China is known as yuan, although its also known as renminbi (RMB) or literally People's Currency.

One yuan is divided into 10 jiao or mao, each of which *gasp* is divided further into 10 fen. It does look as its almost 10 worthless fen..oh well. In colloquial Chinese, jiao is called mao, and yuan is kuai. Most common coins include 1 yuan, 5 jiao and 1 jiao,  hile the bills circulating around are 1, 2, and 5 jiao and 1, 2, 5, 10, 20, 50 and 100 yuan. Counterfeiting is said to be widespread and shopkeepers regularly check large denominations. Btw, Hong Kong dollars divide into 100 cents and Macanese patacas into 100 avos.

Credit cards are widely-accepted in the upmarket restaurants and larger hotels or in state-run shops, but better to check first before attempting to buy anything using your card. Debit card is unlikely to be used as of this writing.

There are some ATMs in the bigger cities which might accept foreign credit and debit cards. One could look for head branches of major international banks and of course the Bank of China. ATM machines that accept foreign cards are scarce in Mainland China so better be careful not to rely too much on them.

The recommendation is to carry traveler's checks (you pay commission though) as well as US dollars, sterlings and Euros.

Bank of China has of course exchange desks for the foreign currency and traveler's cheques and these are seen at larger hotels, airports and some stores.  A tip is to keep your exchange receipts as they will be needed to convert one's spare RMB into another currency before leaving the country. Chinese currency cannot be used outside of the country.

One can exchange currency at banks, international airports and decent hotels. All exchange operations are linked to the Bank of China so rates do not vary very much between them. The Chinese "black market" for exchanging foreign curcency offers only slightly better rates than banks, so better be safe than sorry (you  might end up with fake renminbi).

China Chikka: Thank you for the tea!

I used to hop around Chinese restaurants in Cebu....

One thing I learned which might be interesting to you is the Chinese way of thanks for refilling one's tea cup.

It is considered courteous to keep your tablemate's teacups filled. How many times did I get my tea cup refilled until I was ready to burst? :-) I kept on thanking them see ...hehehe!

To thank the kind person for refilling your cup, simply tap your first and index finger together on the table.

The story was that there was this emperor who liked to travel or tour around his country incognito.  Once upon a time, the Emperor arrived in a teahouse, and took his turn to pour the tea. His companions who should probably have been kowtowing to press their foreheads to the floor, instead tapped their fingers in a mini-kowtow because the emperor wanted to maintain his disguise. Pretty neat eh?

It soon involved to a simpler form of just tapping the two aforementioned fingers above on the table from the two fingers bending and kowtowing....

Tip: if you don't want to keep on drinking bottomless cups of tea - then don't drink it so your cup becomes empty - because the cycle will keep on repeating itself :-)

I didn't know I had Sci-fi channel in my cable plan....wow! ...and there's reruns of "Xena: Warrior Princess" :-)

Chikka | Sending Free Text Messages

http://www.chikka.com/
what I use sometimes when I have long text messages...

Español y chabacano: aclarando ambigüedades <-> A Lecture on Chabacano

Start:	Aug 11, '09 7:00p
Location:	Instituto Cervantes, Philippines

The linguistic varieties of the Philippine Creole Spanish collectively known as chavacano (principally the dialects of Cavite, Ternate and Zamboanga/Cotabato) are broadly recognized as different languages from Spanish, equipped of its own grammatical structures and —especially in the case of the zamboangueño— with a very limited comprehension from Spanish speaking people.

In this conference, to be conducted by Prof. John M. Lipski of Pennsylvania State University, the historical references referring to the formation of the chavacano dialects are explored as well as the sociolinguistic environments that produced not only an ambiguous terminology, but also an ambiguous recognition even among the very speakers of chavacano.

Instituto Cervantes de Manila
855 T.M. Kalaw St., 1000 Ermita. Manila
Tel. (632) 526 1482
Fax (632) 526 1449
http://manila.cervantes.es

lunch experiment: cold penne paired with soba tsuyu

money has a way of flowing out...now its my molar's HUGE filling falling out as I crunched my way through Nagaraya cracker nuts...

bills.....bills....statement of accounts...bills....credit card slips...more bills....*sighing while sorting*