here is where I will post jokes which I receive thru text messages. Nothing scandalous but maybe a hint of something naughty once in a while. I figured I might as well save some of the jokes I receive and share it...
Pinoy-style humor..paminsan-minsan or if may oras... (p.s. pati pagka spelling at tinamad na ako...sorry na lang po)...You are all free to share or post jokes which you may have come across here...siguro i-precede lang ng JOKETIME or something...para makita kaagad..
JOKETIME!
Aboard a plane.
Woman: Father, cud u hide dis new and expensive hairdryer under ur robe? I'm afraid customs will charge exorbitantly 4 it.
Priest: Ok my dear, but if dey ask, I can't lie.
Later at customs.
Customs Officer: Do u have anything 2 declare Father?
Priest: underneath this robe, I have an equipment designed for women, but to this date, remains unused.
C.O: hahaha! If u say so Father! Next please! ;-)
well said Father!
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of a similar joke, which I will shorten:
ReplyDeleteAfter investigating the cellar, the police said, "Sorry sir, we have to arrest you now, because you have the equipment for destillery of whiskey." So why don't you arrest me for raping the neibour's daughter. The police asks why? Because I have the equipment for raping her.
hmmm...parang may part 2 pa yan ah...*grin*
ReplyDeleteJOKE daw:
ReplyDeleteIsn't it so nice when ur sleeping, and sum1 touches your back
very slowly..moving towards your neck,
right very clsoe to your ears....
and slowly whispers...
.
.
.
.
.
"Nakikiliti ka ba?
.
.
.
.
ipis akO". :-)
Aray!
ReplyDeleteJOKE (influenced by the bisaya way of pagbigkas ng mga wikang Tagalog)
ReplyDeleteEnriching your vocabulary:
1. Deletion -
The balat of DELETION is crispy.
2. Different -
Who is DIFFERENT of this lost boy?
3. Delicacy -
DELICACY, mahuhuli na tayo sa sine!
4. Affect -
Maria is wearing AFFECT diamond ring.
5. Cadet -
Sinong CADET mo kagabi?
6. Schooling -
well..alam mo na yung last sentence..hehehe
ano?
ReplyDelete=)) i like different...
ReplyDeleteat naniwala naman ang CO, oops sorry po Father, joke lang =)
ReplyDeleteHello! Who's SCHOOLING please?
ReplyDeletehmm..dami kon ring nadidinig na priests celibate daw sila pero di naman natin pinapaniwalaan ganun sila..hehehe
ReplyDeleteasus...yun pala yun...=))
ReplyDeleteI love all of them on the list..aliw!
ReplyDeleteGreat door signs:
ReplyDelete* gynecologist - Dr. Jones at your cervix
* septic tank truck - Yesterday's meals on wheels
* plumber's office - We repair what your husband fixed
* tire shop - Invite us to your next blow-out
* electrical shop - Let us remove your shorts
* maternity room door: Push, Push, Push
* optometrists's clinic: If you don't see what you are looking for, you've come to the right place.
eto..medyo corny..hehehe
ReplyDelete"CLEMENCY"
want to know more about clemency?
what is clemency nga ba?
CLEMENCY is actually...
the
maasim that is put on the pancit
*ngek*
(muntik mahulog cell ko nito)
HLH....natawa ako sa huli........muntik mahulog cell mo....=p
ReplyDeleteEto naman ang sa akin:
ReplyDeleteThere was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read:
"I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note:
"I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. "Lead us not into temptation."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation:
"I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question,
"Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father was approached by his small son, who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?"
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy." The young boy replied excitedly, "It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the Pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.
He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk!
Amen!
ang ganda BNK..yung about parking I like most!
ReplyDelete=D
ReplyDelete=)) feel ko yung pangalawa, nagugulat ako pag bukas ko ng mata...para bang....."What, that's it?" hehhehe
ReplyDeletengek..ibang punchline ang nakakapatawa sa yo...di yung orig..huhuhu
ReplyDeletehehehe..natuwa ako sa quilt (kc I've not heard this one before) at saka nong meaning ng bible...(ok naman ang acronym na to)...
ReplyDeleteThanks Bananaking...meron na akong kopyahin para pang - text sa iba..
Here's more. Enjoy...
ReplyDeleteBobo: pare hulaan mo ugali ko, nagsisimula ng letter A
Pare: approachable?
Bobo: mali
Pare: amiable
Bobo: mali pa rin
Pare: o sige, sirit na nga
Bobo: Anest
Policeman arresting a prostitute
Prosti: I am not selling sex
Police: Then what are you doing?
Prosti: I'm a saleswoman selling condoms with free demo.
Bush: What are the pollutants in your country?
Jingoy: We have lots of pollutants.. ..we have sisig, kilawin,
chicharon,mani
Erap: Anak, may nakalimutan ka, Boy Bawang (cornik).
Tindero: Hoy, bili ka gatas ng baka? 10 piso lang isang baso
Manong: Ang mahal naman, may tig piso lang nyan?
Tindero: Meron po,pero kayo na po ang dumede sa baka.
Pasyente: Dok, bakit po ganito ang operasyon sa ulo ko? Halos kita na utak ko
Doctor: Ok lang yan, yan ang tinatawag na open minded.
A naked girl rode on a taxi
"Bakit" asked the girl at the driver na nakatitig sa katawan nya
"Ngayon ka lang ba nakakita ng hubad?"
Driver: "Hindi po miss, iniisip ko lang kung saan nakatago pamasahe mo"
Wife shouting.... . "Honey magimpake ka na, nanalo ako sa lotto"
Husband: "Wow, anong dadalhin ko?"
Wife: "Wala akong pakialam basta lumayas ka na"
Pare 1: 'Pare, magkaiba medyas mo, isang pula at isang azul'
Pare 2: 'Ewan ko nga kung saan nabili ng misis ko ito. May isa pa nga
akong pares na ganito rin and kulay sa bahay'
Juan: Itay, and classmate ko madamot.
Tatay: 'Bakit naman?'
Juan: 'Di man lang nya ako inimbita sa libing ng tatay nya...Nakakain
sana ako ng kornik....Di ko rin siya iimbitahin sa libing mo itay ha....'
Beauty contest.....
Emcee: What's the big problem facing the country today?
Contestant: Drugs
Emcee: Very good, why do you say that?
Contestant: Ang mahal kasi eh!
Amo: Bakit ka umiiyak?
Katulong: Sabi po ni dok tatangalang po ako ng butlig
Amo: Butlig lang iiyak ka na...
Katulong: Kasi ok lang kung right lig or left lig lang po pero bakit
naman butligs pa.....wah wah wah
Doc: Ano trabaho mo hija?
Girl: Substitute po
Doc: Hindi kaya prostitute?
Girl: Hindi po, mama ko po ang prostitute at kung may sakit siya ako po yung substitute.. ..
Doc: For your health take only a cup of rice, lean meat and a saucer of kangkong. Fruits for dessert and lots of juice....
Fat guy: Doc, shall I take them before or after meals?
Kodigo
Nahuling may kodigo ang estudyante.. .
Guro: Ano 'to?
Estudyante: Prayer ko po, ma'am!
Guro: At bakit answers ang nakasulat?
Estudyante: Naku! Sinagot na ang prayers ko!
Nakaamoy si Ngongo ng pabango sa isang store.
Sabi ni Ngongo, "Ale, mango!"
Sabi naman ng saleslady, "Pabango 'yan, hindi alimango!"
Ulit ni Ngongo, "Ale, mango!"
Nag-agawan si Ngongo at ang saleslady sa pabango. Nahulog ang pabango at nabasag.
Sabi ni Ngongo, "Ale, masag!"
Plantsa
Dok: Anong nangyari sa mga tenga mo?
Joshue: Nagpaplantsa kasi ako nang kumiriring ang telepono.
Aksidenteng na-pick up ko 'yung plantsa.
Dok: Eh bakit dalawang tenga mo ang nagkaganyan?
Joshue: Ang gago, tumawag uli!
Pulubi:
Boss, palimos po.
Tonyo: Iinom ka o magyoyosi?
Pulubi: Wala po akong bisyo.
Tonyo: Okey. Sumama ka sa akin para malaman ng nanay ko ang nangyayari sa taong walang bisyo
Anak: Tatay, hindi ako makatulog, kasi, maraming lamok!
Tatay: Papatayin natin ang ilaw para hindi tayo makita.
(Pagpatay sa ilaw, dumating ang mga alitaptap... )
Anak: Hala ka, Tatay, nagdala sila ng flashlight!
SIOPAO
Kulas: Miss, isa ngang siopao... 'yung babae.
Waitress: Babaeng siopao?
Kulas: Oo. 'Yung may papel na sapin. Kumbaga, napkin.
Waitress: Ahh, ganun po ba? Lalaki po ang nandito.
Kulas: Lalaki?
Waitress:Kasi po, may itlog sa loob.
=)) ayos!
ReplyDeleteLOL (yung huling huling joke..yung siopao na lalaki)..hahahaha!
ReplyDeletetatawa tawa na lang ako..
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteJOKETIME!
(eto naman ay texted joke na galing kay Sir B ngayong araw)
Boy 1: nagalala ako sa kapatid ko
Boy 2: bakit?
Boy 1: lagi nya kasing kinakausap ang sarili nya dati..pero ngayon di na
Boy 2: di magaling na sya di ba? bakit di na nya kinakausap sarili nya?
Boy 1: magkagalit na daw sila :-)
bwahahahaha!
ReplyDeleteako rin natutuwa sa jokes dito! :)
ReplyDeletebwaahhahaaaaa!
ReplyDeletewell, a sense of humor is what keeps people eternally young..with so many problems and issues nowadays...its good to see there's more to life esp when one turns on the cell and may joke na naman....
ReplyDeleteKaloka. More!
ReplyDeletemarami pa akong iba na nadelete ko na sa cell ko..may medyo green nga lang karamihan..hay naku...yan ang mapapala mo if usually guys magpadala..hehehe
ReplyDeleteI-share mo naman yang mga green na yan.
ReplyDeletehmm..sige, next time if merong papasok na green joke di ko na i-delete at isulat ko dito....*wink*
ReplyDeletethis is not from a text and I swiped this off from Ruela (who posted this in her site here), introduced to me in Cebu by one of my friends who is also in this network (Benjie) - there is some truth in it...
ReplyDeleteAnd God Created Dog and Cat
A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to 'Where do pets come from?'
Adam said, 'Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me every day. Now I do not see you any more. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me.'And God said 'No problem. I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself.'
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and it wagged its tail.
And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.'
And God said, 'No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him Dog.'
And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well.'
And the Lord said, 'No problem. I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy of adoration.'
And God created Cat to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the Supreme Being. And Adam learned humility.
And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved. And Dog was happy.
And Cat didn't care one way or the other.
=)) galing ni Cat!
ReplyDeletehe he he.
ReplyDeleteJOKETIME!
ReplyDelete(eto...something very slightly limey para kay BNK - na salvage ko to from my cell)
8 qualities of a perfect boyfren -
Brave
Intelligent
Gentle
Polite
Energetic
Non-alcoholic, Industrious & Self-organized.
In short...(e form the acronym na lang from the first letters of the qualities above)
*wink*
awwwwwwwww, grabe!
ReplyDeletepero aliw ha....HLH
Meron ako ng mga qualities na yan, pero duda lang ako sa N kasi mahilig ako sa wine and scotch. Ano kaya ang pwedeng ipalit sa N?
ReplyDeleteisip akong ng isip BNK..pero ang hirap ng N as it pertains to you...kc puro naka prefix by "Non" ang first thoughts ko..so I don't think it was applicable..also "Nice" seems to tame di ba?
ReplyDeletee kung "Naughty" kaya hehehe...
ReplyDeleteJOKETIME:
(contributed by Roseli, an officemate) oldie but goodie pa rin to -
Boy: dad, tulong naman sa assignment ko. Find teh least common denominator daw.
Dad: huh?? elementary pa lang ako hinahanap na nila yan ah! hanggang ngayon di pa rin nila nakita?!
bwahahahahaaa....
ReplyDeletecat eto naman contribution ko...me nag pasa lang din...
ReplyDeleteTEACHER: Anong similarity nina Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacio, Ninoy Aquino at
Apolinario Mabini?
STUDENT: Ma'am, pagkaka-alam ko po, silang lahat ay pinanganak ng holiday!
ERAP: Soli ko tong nabili kong DVD.
FPJ: Anong problema?
ERAP: Walang picture, tsaka sound. Sayang. Suspense thriller pa yata to.
Tsk, tsk...
FPJ: Anong title?
ERAP: "The Lens Cleaner"
BUNSO: Tay , may multo daw sa kusina natin?
TATAY: Anak, sino naman nagsabi sayo nyan?
BUNSO: Si ate po!
TATAY: Ay nako, wag ka nga magpapaniwala dun!
Wala namang multo eh!
Ang mabuti pa samahan mo na lang ako sa kusina, at iinom lang ako ng
tubig...
BATA: Pabili nga po ng ubas....
TINDERO: Wala kame ubas
.......kinabukasan. ..
BATA: Pabili nga po ng ubas.....
TINDERO: Wala kame ubas
.......kinabukasan ulet...
BATA: Mama , pabili nga po ng ubas....
TINDERO: Sinabi na ngang wala e! Pag nagtanong ka pa, iistepler ko na yang
bibig mo!
......kinabukasan ulet...
BATA: Mama , may stapler kayo?
TINDERO: wala..
BATA: Pabili nga po ng ubas
AMO: Inday, ilipat ang comforter sa kwarto.
INDAY: San ko ilagay kuya?
AMO: Ipatong mo lang sa kama
Maya-maya... .
INDAY: Andun na po. Sinama ko na rin ang frenter at iskaner...=)
Bill gates' wife was interviewed. .
REPORTER: How does it feel to have sex with the richest man ?
MRS. GATES: Oh, it's no big deal. Now I know why his company's named
MICROSOFT!
MRS: Bakit ngayon ka lang?
MR: Pasensha na, nagyaya mga officemates ko, nagkainuman lang. Hehe!
MRS: Lasing ka no?
MR: Hindi!
MRS: Anong hindi?! La ka namang trabaho, pano ka nagka-officemates? !!
*giggles* sa totoo lang Oselle, yung 'comforter' napaisip ako ng isang microsecond....I didn't see that coming!
ReplyDeletebwahahahahaha! you made me laugh oselle!
ReplyDelete