I prefer to write down my thoughts in my travel-worn diary, but typing a mile a minute as I go along is so much faster (besides my current penmanship shows a startling resemblance to wandering chicken scratches).
I probably will copy what I wrote in LJ to here or vice-versa, or "improve" on the original version.
I dunno. Just that this may be an outlet, one which I may keep to myself or just share wherever, whenever, whichever mood takes me at that time.
+++++++
Just going to bed early, i.e. sleeping before the rooster crows - has made a big difference to my daily and nocturnal activities. I find I can do a bigger pile of my laundry (how prosaic an activity!), and attend to more things by waking up at the ungodly hour of 8 a.m (how droll? - I catch anime eps earlier).
This is an offshoot of my dad's sudden demise last Feb 26, 2012.
I have heaping dose of worry about my mom who is left behind in my hometown, and add to that concerns about my own work which has piled up during the scheduled leaves and unscheduled out of office..and there you go. As the month of February drew to its inexorable end, I've easily stewed in the acidic juices of worry and have nearly pickled myself a pale shade of white.
So... I have this wriggling heavy stone in the pit of my stomach, but at the same time I feel more normally confident I will weather this chapter in my life -if not with perfect equanimity, then at least with dogged determination. To have those dual feelings intermittently is unsettling sometimes when it hits me in the middle of a repetitive task.
I can't help it! I was born in the "Year of the Dog". While I may not wholly believe in the characteristics attributed to people born under this sign, I can certainly see I have the "worry" gene down pat from somewhere.
I just have to keep reminding myself - one day at a time, one step at a time..and enthusiastically throw into the trashcan my multi-tasking tendencies. There's still so much more to discover, explore and travel to..and I can't do that if I worry myself to the ground.
uncomfortable
[Naku ang hirap hulihin itong blog mo. Nawawala.]
ReplyDeleteAnyway, one at a time lang Cat. Just prioritize. I want to say "bahala na, whatever happens, happens." But I could see why you're anxious. You are still young and you really have your plate full - personal and work which are both very important. And then there's travel - but travel can wait this time muna and then when things settle down you can go back to it. Because you won't enjoy yourself anyway if you are worrying a lot.
Take care!
ngeh...as in it disappears from screen? :-)
ReplyDeleteyun nga nga po...anyway, life is a series of trade-offs.
ReplyDeleteits difficult nga being an only child..sometimes like now, I just talked to Mommy and whilst I understand its probably better for her to let it just go, parang I can't be happy she is just concentrating on her religious activities *sigh* parang, I'm here in Manila, can I just ask for help getting this and that info or follow-up with people there..I can only do so much. But I guess in the long run I have to accept the things I cannot change.
With so much pressure here, and deadlines for me approaching, I can't help but blow off steam din myself...which luckily naman in my case, once I get it off my chest, e more or less back to normal speed :-)
anyway, there's the Seoul trip pa na until now di pa completely maayos...and at this point, I did all I could do earlier pa in the year to arrange it, bahala na yung iba muna don.
whatever certification PDUs I have to get to retain my certification before June this year , mamyang Holy Week ko na i-try gawin as penance :-) kc pinabayaan ko na rin instead of attending to it starting this January...again it does go back to priorities...
are you using IE or Mozilla or Chrome as browser po?
ReplyDeletebaka kc sa settings ng browser...so far wala po akong problema na with quoting replies to blogs...
I use Internet Explorer. I am not a Chrome fan.
ReplyDeletehmm....I am fine with Firefox..IE is a bit too slow for me when it comes to networking sites...if may Mozilla kayo, maybe you can try it..if it works, then its a browser issue...
ReplyDeleteHi Cat. Thanks for introducing me to you Id. Now I know how your subconscious works.
ReplyDeletenaku, suddenly I feel I should have been more careful...LOL
ReplyDeletemay makapag psychoanalyze na sa akin..
luckily as a woman, who can be really sure of our inner cores...e baka ang Id ko e paiba-iba rin *wink*
Unfortunately Cat, Id does not discriminate by gender and you cannot actually control or manipulate it. It is you alter-ego that does the balancing (or the camouflaging). This statement is your alter-ego at work, i.e. trying to protect a possible intrusion into your Id. There's nothing more vulnerable than a naked soul. I'm not saying you're "naked" right now. As it is, your protected by layers upon layers and sheets upon sheets of emotional blankets, i.e. your work, your travels, your camera-work, your penchant for food, and more. When you find someone to whom you can bare it all without fear or worry of being taken-advantage of, then you've found your true partner.
ReplyDeletehmm...that is a nice thought...at this point though that onion-layer-peeling thing is not yet happening...not whilst I do battle ...
ReplyDeletetoo much history from childhood to present, also I am not a proponent of baring everything (soul and emotions) to another person more than 100 percent..for me to surive, I must be me..and that includes that layer that I can only say God and I knows.